mekakitsune

Haven't updated in a while. But here's the skinny:

- Got a financial analyst job at Oracle in Redwood City
- Off the crutches, and nearly 100% again on the left ankle (although it will "never" quite be the same I guess... I'm thinking I can start running again soon)

Can't really say anything else of note is going on.

Well, I'm back home.

I graduated UC Riverside. I'm taking a few accounting classes at community college to qualify for CPA. My girlfriend Nancy moved in with my at my Grandfather's house in San Bruno. That's really it. I'm on crutches because I got surgery for my osteochrondal lesions of the talus problem (ankle) and I'm on crutches. I'm going back to Riverside September 10th to get my splint off and retrieve a orthopedic boot for walking.

In the meantime, I need a job.

So I finally graduated.

I been just working this entire week as my new job doing general bookkeeping accounting work, and at times my mind drifts (as it always usually does) about the last seven years or so after I graduated from high school.

Seven years ago, from around this time I walked the stage at Mills High School. I was completely demoralized about not getting into an of the UC campuses of my choice. I had only San Jose State University to turn to. Little did I really know, that subsequent decisions would lead to a totally bizarre chain of events.

I went off to SJSU and due to in my mind sheer bad luck, I joined arguably "the wrong" fraternity. I found myself at the tender age of 18 being booked and questioned by the SJPD. I probably should have known better at that point, but no I didn't.

My parents, fearful pulled me out of SJSU and I went to De Anza College for Spring Quarter 2003 and I wondered what my fate would be in the end? My pledge bro at the time also went to De Anza that quarter but hardly attended class. He went off to Arizona shortly after to figure things out for himself. I finished the quarter, and was still very much alone.

I met a girl off friendster.com at that time. She was, at the time different than anybody else I had ever met - funny, witty, and shared so many things in common. It blossomed into something rather meaningful for years, but died miserably two years ago. I've learned quite quickly the ones who claim to love you the most and care, are often the quickest to stab you in the back.

I returned to SJSU in Fall 2003. Nobody knows this, but I rushed for SJSU ATO. Due to my involvement with my other fraternity, they wouldn't have none of it. My pride was bruised, so I took it upon myself to rebuild from the ashes, dragging many people over the next several years into the struggle to survive.

I often have regrets about that, but I do not regret spending the time I did with all of my San Jose bros. For a period of time even though we were not recognized - I sincerely believed we were the model in which all of the chapters should have been like. We had money, we did a tremendous amount of community service (~$5K for Jade Ribbon), and the tightest brotherhood devoid of cliques I have ever seen extended from alumni to active.

In more recent times, I wish I could say it was the same. I have felt my ego, pride, and feelings of friendship bruised by a particular bro in San Jose who has betrayed my trust. Loyalty and true friendship is never easy, and in this case I felt you've failed the test miserably. It is as I said - the ones who profess to care about you the most are the most likely to stab you in the heart.

I was officially disqualified from San Jose State in the Spring of 2005. I still remember, I got a D- in Clinch's Business Law because I never attended lecture or turned in homework. I thought I could snicker by with a C with absolute 0 effort. Boy was I wrong. I was a great deal more immature back then for sure.

I had trouble with my parents shortly after that. I was labeled a failure, and my parents cut me off. They stopped giving me money and I was forced to get a job. It was one of the most difficult summers of my life. My parents confiscated the beloved "Thrilla Mobile", the white 2001 Corolla with my killa sound system and left me to fend for myself. I was quite angry at the time and I called my mom all kinds of names I wish I could take back. I blamed them for all my failures and shortcomings.

I got a job in Campbell that took a hour and a half bus ride to get to in security. My first job was at a computer hardware parts recycling plant. The smell of melting lead chased me away in one week - I simply couldn't do it.

What did I do for money then? A great deal of things involving craigslist (no casual encounters, sorry guys LOL). I sold a bunch of stuff on ebay. I did hella illegal things I wasn't proud of including walking into the now-closed Albertson's basically every meal and eating while walking through the store and leaving without paying. Sometimes I'd go to Fresh Choice with a backpack full of tupperware and take a shitload of food home... Memories.

Finally when my San Jose lease was over, the only person who still believed in me was my grandpa. I got a job at Starbucks in Millbrae and I saved up money to go to back to community college. I stepped it up further by getting my first accounting Jobs in November 2005. My first job was at See's Candy with a woman who gave me a passive-aggressive lecture. She said "try to consolidate your bathroom breaks to the designated 15 minute breaks we allocate you twice a day". Yea. She tried to micromanage my pissing! I was stuck in a room with no windows and just computers with about half a dozen other people. We weren't allowed to talk to each other or listen to music (and there was no internet on our desktops). On Christmas Day, the boss (a fat white woman) came in and announced "because it is Christmas, I have a present for you guys. I will allow you to listen to the radio today. Don't get too used it, because on Monday we return to our regular work environment. Merry Christmas".

I returned to community college that Spring 2006 and began the fastest community college graduation track I could muster. I loaded up with 18-12 semester units a semester (I only had finished a total of 12 units at SJSU in two years, no joke) and finally finished the Spring of 2007 in exactly 1 year (19 units in Spring, 9 units in Summer, 18 units in Fall, and 21 units in Spring again). I think I finished with the maximum 90 transferrable units including my SJSU units. I could have gone to SFSU, perhaps UC Santa Cruz, maaaaybe UC Davis if I begged the transfer advisor that came by (he was known to pull people on the border in) but I was overjoyed when my UC Riverside acceptance letter came in.

I graduated Skyline.... and got a DUI that night. One of the worst experiences in my life. My girlfriend at the time was in San Jose visiting that same weekend and claimed that I never "asked her" to come up to see me or some bullshit when I got the DUI even though I called the morning I got out of jail. She admitted to "making out with some dude she didn't even know" in the backseat of a car in the garage of Hyatt Hotel.

I probably should have just walked away there, but I'm an idiot.

It compounded finally when she had slept with a certain immoral bastard in my fraternity at UC Riverside a week before I arrived. I was never so devastated and hurt in my life. I feel I still have trust issues, and a great deal of unresolved anger from this. I worked so hard in community college to get to UC Riverside, only to have it slap me directly in the face the moment I got there. I let the slimey bastard go with the words "treat me like a bro, if you feel bad at all about what happened." Apparently, charity made me turn the other cheek and get slapped again time and time again.

I arrived in the summer of 2007 and stayed in the Lothian dorms. It was one of the loneliest summers I've ever experienced. I filled my hours played Last Chaos a free MMORPG online, working out (I lost 50 pounds that summer), and a racing game called Project Torque. My summer roommate was a guy named Logan, really nice guy. I've seen him only on campus maybe half a dozen times in the last two years and I wish I made more an effort to talk to him.

Fall 2007 hit and I stupidly got involved in the fraternity again. Part of me wanted to experience the true "experience" of an active chapter. All I really experienced was "classic" Riverside drama. Asian Greek life in Riverside is nothing but mindless abuse of drugs, people sleeping with each other (and getting angry at each other about it), and academic failure. I kept my mouth shut most of Fall 2007.

Winter 2008 hit, and I spoke up more about things I felt was unfair - the way they treated a certain other sorority as second class citizens, ganging up against one particular lil outspoken lil sis, our contraversial pledge process, and other things.

I'm getting a bit drowsy, so I'll probably continue this later. Got work in the morning

So I suppose it's time to free-write some things. It's been pretty eventful lately. I'd public this up, but some parts are somewhat confidential I guess.

I've been involved in my fraternity on the national level as the Membership Development & Education Chair to help out my friend Keith Chu who is a Riverside bro and the current National President.

I kind of reluctantly accepted the position. The whole UC Riverside experience involving fraternity members dicking me oer kind of soured my experience with the fraternity as a whole. Honestly it was mainly the whole Pat Pham sleeping with my ex-girlfriend Jen Hiramoto then both of them talking shit about me (and spreading lies to the general affiliated circles about ME being the unfaithful one), accusing me of underpaying installs money (basically calling me a thief. I am able to produce bank statements, receipts, and evidence - why couldn't they? Sheer laziness, and malicious intent to ruin me), and basically giving me crap.

Push really came to shove when Nationals finally put it's foot down a few weeks ago about Risk Management and the future direction we all wanted to take the fraternity - certain events deemed as "risky hazing" were put on the "do not do" list with the consequence of suspension.

Well guess who decided to immediately hold an assembly the next day after regional meetings to make the firm statement "fuck that shit" and proceed with hazing the fuck out of people?

Yup, Riverside.

Granted, I must digress a bit and say this will all make a great book, movie script, maybe even a television mini-series. My life really is this kind of bizarre drama... I mean I've heard nonstop from many people I should sit down and write a book. I already plan to upon graduation.

Anyway, Keith hears about a boxing event going on that Tuesday between pledges and actives and I go to observe much to the chagrin of the bros (and dirty looks galore). I clandestinely record what transpired and reported what i say back to Keith.

And the rest of the sequence of events has kind of come into play. The school apparently is conducting their own investigation, I've received some rather shallow threats of an ass beating. I mean honestly, I can TOTALLY handle myself; there isn't really one person in Riverside BY FAR in my fraternity that even remotely physically intimidates me. I know they lack the intelligence to pull off something effective anyway nor does anybody have the motivation to(they're all druggies, which also contributes to the low intelligence) and really the leadership.

So that kind of leaves me where I'm at now. I'm a week away from finishing finals. I'm just kind of riding this quarter out silently. It's been a rather chill quarter, what started off with like a fervent dedication to going to class turned into skipping lectures for almost 4 weeks straight. The funny thing is, I'm recieving some of the best grades I ever got at Riverside. I guess I've just been efficient in scoring the points when it matters... My two Economics electives this quarters Economic Law and American Economic History have been pretty cake. I've taken Business Law before, and it is relatively the same concepts in Economic Law - the same criminal justice crap, torts, and property law with a smattering of Economic interpretation (nothing I can't really bs on paper). The American Economic History has been kind of a laughable course - tons of reading, but reading I've never done. I kind of skim and look for the cliff-notes versions of the topics we're reading. I really don't understand why anybody in our class would bother reading... We have in-class writings that are a page at the most, and anybody who maintains a reasonable level of wakefulness can BS that shit for full credit without wasting anytime reading. I must truly recommend Econ 119 - Economic Law and Econ 123 - American Economic History to any Economics or hybrid of Economics major out there at UC Riverside.. pure cake. I hear the course I'm taking next quarter Land & Resource Economics is cake too. Any course taught by Gaffney is a guaranteed "A", or so I hear.

So I'm not too worried... Probably the only things that are bothering me is my ankle is still bothering me a ton. I've received rehab on it for about a month and I'm walking just fine, but I'm not up to running yet. It's been about 2 1/2 months since the time of injury, so that concerns me extremely. The school health insurance is a sham. I suspect I need surgery, but you know those assholes lag it.

I'm going to give a few more weeks I guess, then go to the orthopedist again. I've been told the 3 month mark should be a gauge. I think I'm also going to give the physical therapist a call again on Monday and start going again (I've been kind of putting that off based on all the drama lately)

That's all folks.

Repost from my facebook:

The end of the world wouldn't be such a bad thing.

I've always had mixed feelings about the end of the world, about human progress. I used to believe that working toward the goal of the impending technological singularity is the right move for society rather than a return to the agrarian lifestyle. My world views have been blurred often. In a perfect world I'd support Anarcho-primitivism and advocate a "return-to-roots" lifestyle... abolish industrialization, specialization of labor, and all forms of automata.

I've always embraced technology from a young age... but the older I get the more I lean back to anarcho-primitivism and a return to agrarian societies of yore. Technology has been abused by our capitalist society. It is destroying our minds, our bodies, and our souls of human existence.

Don't believe me?

Chew on this: when the world was mainly agrarian based, the relative "pace" at which the world moved was slow. People were more focused on life in terms of seasons than days, hours, minutes like our clock happy society is now. As the industrial revolution occurred at the turn of the century, we suddenly experienced a rapid increase in production speed of goods and seemingly, an improvement in quality of life (with a short term sacrifice of abusing unskilled labor before unionization). Fast forward to the point we are at now - where worlds of fast-paced industrialization is now being augmented by technology making said processes even faster.

Consider that emotions and feelings are experiences of the human mind in between your bouts of rational, direct thinking. Improvements to industrialization and technology have decreased lull time and increased "efficiency" generally at work. The end result? More time spent on work (or looking busy on the internet) which means more efficiency in all departments. Better for society right? Maybe not so.

Society just keeps getting faster. We are rapidly shifting from physical work such as agriculture or even the human assembly line of the Industrial Revolution to an age of more mentally-gearedl work where the gaps and opportunities for spontaneous emotions, feelings, and the human experience are rapidly shrinking as we speak. We commute to work, we sit at a desk, and we go home to even more responsibilities all without thinking.. like mindless automatons. Do you often go through the motions of your day without stopping and thinking about how you really feel (besides maybe tired)? I sometimes get caught in that web myself.

Is there any wonder why depression in increasing? Is there any wonder why we have the internet, yet feelings of isolation seem to be an all-time high? We are even STRESSED OUT FROM SCHEDULING OUR OWN RECREATIONAL TIME VERY OFTEN!!!!! Isn't that RIDICULOUS.

Man in a sense, is slowing becoming more "machine" than anything, and I now fear for the impending technological singularity where man will continue to augment the efficiency of the mind with machine... it is inevitable. Believe it. Some didn't believe in cloning. Give anything enough time, and the ingenuity of mankind will find a way to make it happen or exploit it.

Think about the rapidly shortening attention spans of the youth. It is true, don't deny it. The articles are out there in droves. We live in a society where gaps in stimulation in our already over-stimulated society are labeled as "boredom", "depression", and "anxiety". We are constantly so bombarded with crap, it is beginning to drive me insane in the mind because my mind constantly is looking for peace in this rapid world. Does every second in a comedy have to be filled with non-stop machine gun slapstick? Does every action movie need gunfire and explosions every 5 seconds? Has anybody even watched movies from the Golden Age of Cinema circa 1920s-1950s? Sometimes I am screaming on the inside of my mind from all the constant commercialism and non-stop nature of modern life in general. How many people REALLY slow down and stop to smell the roses? How many people can sit down, close their eyes, and meditate without thinking about the million things that are going on in life. Is there any question why people are more stressed out now than ever? We're worrying about a million inconsequential stupid things at once like what show we're going to TiVo, who is commenting on my damn facebook, what's for dinner, I wonder which celebrity is sleeping with who?

From all this nonsense, say hello to the eventual death of human emotion as you know it soon. 1984 and George Orwell were not far off in predicting the "plus good" and "double plus good" ways of the future. Will we soon describe our feelings and emotions in such Orwellian terms?

An over paced society will spell the extinction of emotion. With the extinction of emotion, comes a society that cannot feel pain, remorse, or empathy. Are that far off from Mike Judge's movie Idiocracy?

I just can't stand it down here in SoCal sometimes. The crass consumerism, the cars, the noise, the pollution, the madness, and rudeness of people. I step outside my apartment and all I see is asphalt for miles. I want to see green fields. I want to see the BLUE SKY. I want to inhale air deeply and taste the freshness. Does anybody freaking recycle around here besides hobos? Where is the damn public transportation? It's maddening. "We're all just living our lives" aren't we? Living lives of wasteful excess if you ask me.

Blame this rampant ADHD "epidemic" on society. There's a cure for everything in pill form these days. Got an erection dysfunction problem? Take a freaking pill. Damn kid can't sit still? Take a pill. Got a headache? Take two and all call me in the morning.

All these issues are interlinked. We can never be at peace if we are destroying what it means to be HUMAN. Greed, corruption, and the illusion of human progress is putting blinders on everybody. We're living in an age of government bailouts... which is more like corporate welfare to my eyes. Think about all the money the pharmaceutical companies make and we have no cure for AIDS, no cure for cancer... but tons of medication for it. The man who discovers the cure for any of these diseases will be assassinated on the spot by the pharmaceutical oligopoly or silenced by some means. Don't believe me on how powerful corporate America is? It took freaking almost 100 damn years for the f'n surgeon general to declare smoking as unhealthy!!! They had a A Chesterfield Cigarette commercial from the '50s talking about how safe their brand was, I mean give me a fn break!!

So where do we go from this? Well the end of the world is inevitable. In my experience in life, the good intentions of the few can only go so far to preserve the collective. The actions of a few bumbling idiots can bring ruination to an entire group of people. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. I've seen so many institutions perpetually burning in flames by a bunch of silly self-centered naive hedonists.

Mankind will someday blow itself to bits. The economy is an illusion of corporate welfare, useless GDP numbers, and soft garbage currency. We're so concerned about the shuffling of green pieces of paper and numbers shooting through the information superhighway that we've forgot what it means to be human.

I don't think it'll happen in my lifetime, but I yearn for a return to the simpler life. I feel these days I was not just born in the wrong decade, but the wrong century. We're more concerned about Rhianna getting her face rearranged by Chris Brown than well, anything even close to MARGINALLY more important!

Anyway, I don't know if any of this can be even helped in my lifetime. If the world did end, from the ashes would rise a second wave of agrarian human society, which I don't think would be so bad honestly.

The only thing I pray and hope in my life time are blue skies, green fields, good cups of tea to enjoy, reading the books I want to read, finding my significant other and life partner to enjoy a happy healthy productive and (hopefully at times) hilarious life with, and being at least self-sufficiently healthy until the end of my days.

After all, what else can you ask for out of a rapidly dying world like ours?

I haven't updated this thing almost a year... Sad. There are a ton of stories I suppose I could talk about, but I guess nothing of extreme importance. Just useless drama between a bunch of flamers I never really gave an iota about in the first place.

Been just applying for jobs for the upcoming graduation in June.

So far I interview for CA Dept of Financial Institutions for a Financial Examiner position. Hopefully, I'll get word of that either this week or next. I'm also waiting on the IRS Revenue Agent job (just tested for that). I'm not too worried about my career. It'll happen.

Are you dating the last person you texted?
Nope

What do you want right now?
an A on my Math 22 midterm

What did you do today?
biked, went swimming in Juan's pool, and made banana bread

What does your last incoming text message say?
Nice hahaha

Do long distance relationships actually work?
Nope! One week before I came to Riverside in my own LTR, I got cheated on and boooooop four years down the drain son! =P

What's your favorite colors?
Black, Blue, Grey/Silver, Green

Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?,
Lansing, Michigan at MSU

When's your birthday?
Feb 5, 1984

What was the last thing you bought?
"Good Times" BBQ platter at Raxx BBQ & Brewery in Downtown Riverside (great place)

Next thing you'll spend money on?
Laundry?

Who do you text the most?
Probably Juan, then Rebecca

Kids then marriage or marriage then kids?
Marriage then kids for sure

How old are you?
24

Whats the last thing that made you laugh?
Memories of Keith

What is the last thing you said out loud?
Goodnight!

Whos the first person on your missed calls list?
Mike Lei

Story behind your MySpace song?
I ran across a great DJ mix by an asian DJ from texas named "DJ Prada G", and so I added his song to my mysace

Do you remember your dreams?
Majority of the time yea

Who were the last people you went out to lunch with?
Juan and Danny?

Do you sleep with socks on or off?
OFF

Do you flip your pillow to the cold side?
Yea

What is todays date?
August 8, 2008

Who was the last person to call you?
Scott Hou

Last person you called?
My mom

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Grey

How many pillows are on your bed?
1

Are you happy?
lately, not really

How many 20 dollar bills do you have on you right now?
none

Have you seen your best friend cry?
I think I've seen nearly all my close friends cry at least once

Do you have any relatives in the military currently?
no

Who got married at the last wedding you went to?
Ben Chan, my pledge bro last Fall

Are you better at math or art?
Art

Who was your 4th grade teacher?
Mrs. King, a fucking psycho

What did the last text message you sent say? To who?
"Hi" to Rebecca

Who was your best friend in 7th grade?
Theo Varelas

Where did you go to pre-school if you went at all?
I went to some Head Start thing for poor kids in South San Francisco

Whats your favorite brand of gum?
Any orange flavored gum

Do you own a digital camera?
yea, but i hardly use it

Do you drink?
unfortunately

How old is the cellphone you have right now?
a few months olds

Do you know anyone named Tyler?
yea, but not personally

Are both your parents still living?
yes

Do you have your license?
no, DUI but I can get it back anytime

Can you do a handstand?
only against the wall

How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime?
Two, my grandma's and somebody from St. Dunstan school

Do you miss anyone?
My grandma most of all, and my parents a bit since they live so far away

Have you ever had a pet fish?
I have two right now!

Are you taller than your mom?
Very much so

Whats on your wish list for your birthday?
A brand new car.. I can dream can't I?

Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Nervous

Something you hate more than anything?
Cheaters

Do you like surprises?
Only the nice ones

Do you firmly believe that everything happens for a reason?
Nope

Which one of your friends would make the best doctor?
Irving Dang

Whats your favorite scar?
The one on my leg from climbing a chain link fence, getting the leg caught and having it rip like 6 inches of meat off my leg in San Jose evading the pigs lol

When was the last time you flew in a plane?
A few months ago to Oakland

Last time your feelings got hurt?
Two weeks ago by my lil sis

Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
No

What was the last tv show you watched?
America's Best Dance Crew 2, it wasn't by my choice =P

Is your phone within a meter radius of you?
Yea

Do you think people talk shit about you?
All the time, I could give a fuck

Do you have any locked texts? Who are they from and what do they say?
Yea, just random stuff from Robyn Lee

Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
Well I saw Pineapple Express yesterday

What song are you listening to right now?
my roommate is bumping like I don't know Nickelback or someting ugh lol

What are you doing?
This survey

Hows the weather today?
Hot

When was the last time you were truly completely happy with your life?
Probably Spring 2004 when I first dated Jen.. was still in SJSU.. was in decent shape and had really everything I wanted at the time.

Hows your day going so far?
The day is over

So I haven't got 100% to where I wanted to be weight wise, I am now officially 265.. exactly where I was starting Fall 07. There are 8 solid weeks before the fall quarter officially begins so while it will be most likely not very possible to hit 230 by Fall, I will be able to hit a weight of 240 very reasonably by the first week of school.

Here's to success... I hope once I hit 240 first week of Fall I'm going to keep the ball rolling for another month or two until I hit 220-230 before I start lifting extensively again and "attempting to bulk up". I don't want to even thnk about starting until I hit that magic 12% body fat. My calculations put me at around 23% right now... I need to test out that thing in the gym again.

I'm going to get there. The "before" and "after" pictures are already quite a bit... impressive haha I should post them.

This is a repost from my other blog on wordpress. I have planned more "serious" discussion and extrapolation of ideas on this blog than the "personal" entires of my livejournal. I will occasionally though cross-post some things like this.

The Japanese have always been light years ahead of American trends in gaming with the advent of Konami's "Bemania" line of games I believe first introduced in 1997. I remember the thrill of first playing DrumMania in Japan when I first took an exchange trip over the summer of 2001. It was usually linked to a GuitarFreaks game, and the main draw of this union was that you could play both simulataneously using the same song! Both games consisted nearly of all J-Rock and J-Pop songs with a few American cover songs here and there - but nonetheless it was great fun nearly almost a good decade before anybody had heard of Guitar Hero or Rock Band. The concept is not at all new, and really it is not as if Konami had not attempted to market these games to American audiences - the marketing was simply so poor (and the lack of American songs) that nobody wanted to play it! Still, before Rock Band ever came out I would occasionally once in a blue moon take a trip to Milpitas Golfland and take a crack at their import DrumMania machine.

As much as I enjoy occasionally playing these games, I believe ultimately someday Guitar Hero and Rock Band will end civilization as we know it. Take this video, we'll call it "Exhibit A" for now.

Disgusting, isn't it?

I'm not going to at all downplay the sheer prodigy of a 9-year old scoring 95% on Guitar Hero III's "Through The Fire And Flames" by Dragonforce. But can we take a step back here for a second and come to grips with the sheer ridiculousness of it all?

Even with a God given gift of being ownage at Guitar Hero, nobody can doubt that being that fluent in any song takes a great deal of time... A great deal of time that can perhaps have gone to actually playing "Through The Fire And Flames" maybe on a real guitar? Consider the sheer amount of time sitting in front of that Xbox 360 to master that song versus perhaps reading? playing a musical instrument? socializing? Being a typical 9-year old? Experts are clamoring about finding the real root of childhood obesity, dropping grades, attention-deficit disorder, and a general "lack of imagination our youth possesses". I'm going to take it a step further and predict that games like these that replace ACTUAL activity with VIRTUAL activity will be the future downfall of civilization as we know it as the technology gets more and more sophisticated. Can you say Wii Sex? It would be the end of all reproductive activities for nerds forever!

If you've never seen the movie Idiocracy starring Luke Wilson, definitely give it a look. It is written by Mike Judge (Beavis & Butthead, King of the Hill, Office Space) who I definitely think is one of the most underrated and versitile comedy talents out there, especially in writing. Once you've seen the movie, you probably would gain some perspective toward my view.

Some of you might be thinking I'm taking a simple pleasure such as Guitar Hero to an extreme. I mean after all how can fake playing the guitar be the end of civilization? It's not so much the actual game of Guitar Hero but the CONCEPT it stands for.

Back in the days when you wanted to play a song on the guitar - you sat there and practiced for a hour or more a day until you finally mastered. Now, all you have to do is put your video game disc in your console and BAM, nearly instant gratification! It's like a complete talent simulation, except it really requires not much talent at all. Unlike other things you can practice at such as musical instruments, sports, or more literary hobbies - almost nil of your Guitar Hero efforts translate into the real world. Compound this fact with the increasing childhood obesity epedemic, reports that the "imagination" of children are reaching an all time low, and the gradual desocialization of people from actually GATHERING in places to socialize to resorting to the
internet to talk to people... you will see where I'm getting at. I've had complete conversations with people via text messages versus ACTUALLY talking on the phone. Things are simply getting worse in my opinion for mankind. We are more disconnected from reality than ever before.

Can you see the connect between this instant gratification and the lack of working on real world skills. This is why "Wii Sex" is probably the scariest concept I've ever come up with. Once a computer can simulate the basest of human desires, it's pretty much over for mankind. If you've ever watched the anime Chobits, and yes I have - it's a frightening concept in my opinion. It will stagnate human reproduction to levels that will no longer sustain a positive or equilibrium growth rate.

That is.. if we don't already achieve as a society to be predominately a group of obese simpletons whose imagination and creativity cannot exit the box of a video game console.

Remember a time when kids used to play pretend and invent their own games? Talk to your younger siblings, relatives, or even strike up a conversation with a 9-year old. If you're part of my generation... the generation that predates the internet, the proliferation of the computer, the pager before the cellphone, you will totally notice the lack of imagination and creativity in kids these days. Generation Y (those born 1980-1994 roughly) will look upon Generation Z (1990-2001 roughly) with disdain. Believe it.

Do you know who wins the Scripps National Spelling Bee every year? It's not American kids. It's always an Indian. What a joke. I bet those kids have never played Rock Band</a. before....

Repost from my facebook:

Forgiveness. For some people it is one of the toughest things to do in life.. to forgive.

We so much often think of forgiveness as something that a person who has wronged you must ask for. Instead of forgiveness being looked as something to be asked for, we should look toward it as something to be given freely to those who have wronged you. To not forgive someone is forcing yourself to continually suffer for what someone has either done or not done toward you.

It's not easy to forgive, believe me. Forgiveness is truly an act of self-transformation. When we forgive we transform a negative mental state of resentment and anger to a positive mental state of goodwill.

Forgiveness however doesn't mean necessarily to forget. We as humans cannot simply choose to completely forget things in life. If somebody has been especially wrong to us, it may be unwise to simply forget! One example is if somebody has shown themselves to be unreliable with keeping secrets, it would be a good idea to not hold much confidence in them in the future!

Why should we forgive people? Why not hold on to resentment? Why not retaliate and get our eye-for-an-eye? It is the course of action so often recommended to us... it is how so many countries, wars, and conflicts have been handled throughout time immemorial. We live in a vendetta culture where getting even is too often championed as the solution.

I have meditated and contemplated on this topic for quite a while and I must advocate forgiveness over revenge.

We are all intimately connected with all other living beings and in particular with other humans. Our well-being depends on the well-being of others. It is completely delusional to think that we can be happy and fulfilled in isolation from those who have hurt you, regardless of how they are or how we feel about them. By holding on to the hate, the anger you simply rot from within as much as you try to forget..

Buddha says if we hurt others, we hurt ourselves. If others harm us, they harm themselves. There is a vast interconnectedness of all human destiny due to the nature of the world's collective conscious. This I truly believe.

One of the most difficult acts of forgiveness for example are the grudges those hold against ex-lovers. When one is rejected by a lover, and they move on to the next person it is easy for us to then sink into a hell of resentment, self-pity, and feel totally justified doing such. Often, one feels the world will only be put right when the other person admits their cruelty and apologizes... perhaps even "punishing themselves" somehow to equalize things.

Of course this is silly. Even if any of this were to happen, it would not satisfy anyone in the long run. The way out of this jealousy, bitterness, anger, resentment, self-loathing is through realization and empowering yourself to overcome those feelings. We all have the power to change our own destiny with our own mind.

The positive thing to do, and what I try to do often when things rub me the wrong way is look at the adversities of life as challenges and calls to be a more devout Buddhist. I try to apply the teachings I've learned in my life practically.

Admittedly, it is often been difficult. But I think personally I've begun to see the light and I hope anybody reading this takes it to heart. I've personally suffered a great deal from not being able to forgive in my life, and I hope those who bear grudges can learn to let it go.

One of the most difficult things in my life was forgiving my mother. It took me a long time to finally understand that given her limitations she tried to be the best mother she could. Nothing she did was for the sake of making me miserable, she always had her best intentions at heart for me. It's been a difficult road for me, and it took me getting kicked out of my own home and working to go to college to open my eyes. I've taken the more difficult road I did not have to take, but at this point in my life given even everything that's happened - I would not trade the experiences for anything.

I had a really good day today because I felt I shifted my mindset, and I hope I can keep things positive like I know I can. I truly believe it began with forgiveness...

So that leaves me where I'm at now and I think I'm finally ready to say it, this time with complete sincerity in my heart and mind -

I forgive you.

I haven't updated in a long time, so I guess it's about that time to play a little catchup.

Well its been about almost eight months since the end of May. Worst month of my life really. I got a DUI back then and Jen bounced on me. Admittedly I was pretty bitter the entire summer... and during fall quarter I still had a little bit of resentment but I think I'm pretty much in the clear. When I was home over winter break I found the last photos we took at UCR KDPhi formals back in spring quarter 2007, and really I had no reaction. I took it out, I looked at them and I just put them back where they were. They are the last remnants of anything of her in my room because I left them in my file cabinet... but instead of throwing them in a box or trashing them like I would have probably done, I just tucked them back in a folder in the file cabinet and said fuck it.

I mean I'm not going to be in San Bruno much at all anymore for the next year. I think I'll be back for spring break, but my summer will be spent in summer school most likely at this rate down here in UCR. I don't have much interest in being in the home area anyway. If it weren't for the friends I do have living there, I doubt I'd ever go back. This is not because I love socal, but just there is just a depressing kind of atmosphere back home especially without cable tv or internet.. it just sucks balls.

Besides that, I think this quarter is the quarter I finally break out. I'm getting close to my fitness goals and I'm really optimistic about this quarter in all departments =) I can't wait to get the ball rolling. I'm also very excited to being VERY close to finishing school haha.

Besides that, I may be going to graduate school if I don't land my ideal jobs after college... I'm looking right now mainly at the MS Accountancy program at SJSU.

Future looks bright. New quarter, new Doug Radtke. Positive outlook.

Mostly everybody knows about my tragic DUI that happened back in May and as part of the consequences I was given four days of the Sheriff's Work Alternative Program, which is basically hard labor in the place of time sitting in jail.

I chose to do my days at the Golden Gate National Cemetery only about a mile from my house in glorious San Bruno, CA. Golden Gate National Cemetery houses about 120,000 graves, all of which are already reserved.

So my job basically consisted of digging graves, weed whacking, raking, and doing yard work... basically both in the mud and rain I had to endure the four days there. Rain or shine, the SWAP doesn't care - you work.

My first day there was probably the most relaxed. We were driven around by a large black guy named Ray whose voice sounded a lot like Smokey Robinson (he kind of looked like him a bit too, you know what I mean?) The first day consisted of all raking, we must have bagged about 30-40 trash bags of pine needles. Ray was chill though, he'd sit in his van and smoke cigarettes the whole day, tell us to just "keep the boss happy" and "you don't got to kill yourself". At one point he drove us around and told us stories about the cemetery. One former employee of the Golden Gate Cemetery was supervising SWAP workers just like any day when suddenly a worker disturbed a hidden bee hive. Well, apparently the employee ran to the bee hive to protect the SWAP workers and who knows if he was going to kick it out of the way or something... but anyway, he gets stung right behind his ear. The guy was allergic to bee stings. He runs to the van and floors it to the maintenance building where the first-aid is, but before he makes it he gets too woozy, hits a tree, and dies right there.

Crazy.

The other story was about another former employee who had a wife that cheated on him. The guy showed up for work very early one morning before anybody arrived and apparently hung himself from a tree that I was raking under that morning. Great. Anyway, Ray told us "It's not worth it to kill yourself over any bitch... just get a fucking new one you know?"

I couldn't agree more.

The general consensus of all the maintenance employees at Golden Gate Cemetery was the worst part of the job is occasionally burying kids. Gives everybody the creeps. I can sympathize with that.

The other guy that took us around most of the time was a guy named Carl. He was another black guy, kind of a crazy super opinionated conspiracy theory guy. He had fought in Vietnam and came back basically to this job... been there ever since. He had some crazy theories he kept spouting off hf like how HIV/AIDs was invented to kill the black people and how OJ Simpson is definitely innocent. Carl listens to talk radio all day.... so go figure.

One thing I will say about Carl is he worked pretty hard versus Ray. Carl would be right near us raking just as hard while listening to his talk radio whether it was weed whacking or raking.

It's too bad I wrote this too far past when it went down cause that's all I remember. One thing is for sure, I'm not going to be doing this shit again... gave me a severe sore lower back and lockjaw for a week!

So I've returned from Vegas and I'm into phase two of the weight loss plan

I've lost 15-18 (its been bouncing) in the last 5 1/2 weeks.

Unfortunately hitting 250 by September 1st will take some iron discipline.

I will be dropping my caloric intake to 2,000 a day and doing at least 2 hours of cardio a day (which hasn't been a problem really... most days I do that much)

I will be re-tracking my intake for a friend to look over.

Things will be more serious. 25 pounds in 31 days. It can be done!

If there's one thing I've learned this week from all my experiences is that GOOD character is paramount to success and happiness in life.

I feel that often I used to be a person of questionable character at times. You can't erase the mistakes of the past; you can only look forward to the future.

This is one reason I've been hitting the gym for 14 hours this week in the last 6 days. I have one last milestone to achieve. When I achieve the body I've desired all my life, I will have come full circle finally. I will have climbed that final mountain that has haunted me all my life... and come out stronger.

I could boast right now about all the things I've achieved, but I won't. Just like you cannot erase the mistakes of the past you cannot rest on the laurels of yesterday. You must keep looking forward.

Everybody at some point needs to learn to take personal responsibility for your behavior at some point in life. Every poor decision only compounds until you've dug your hole so deep, you cannot climb out anymore. I am lucky to say today that I didn't dig myself into such a hole.

I got a job offer 2 years for PG&E to be an electrician. I came to a crossroads in my life at that point. I was 21 years old at that point with not more than 12 or 15 units completed in college total. My heart told me to not accept what is EASY in life, but to do what makes you truly HAPPY. I tore up the offer, and that is the semester I started attending Skyline College... January 2006 Spring Semester.

Without going into much detail, I made it to UCR against the odds. Had I got one letter grade lower, I wouldn't have made the minimum eligibility for UC. I got out of junior college in 1 year where it takes most 2.

I'm happy to be at UC Riverside regardless what anybody thinks of the school. I want to thank everybody whose taken time out of their day to spend time with me or talk to me online and what not. You ARE appreciated!

My advice will probably fall on deaf ears... but I believe in my heart that if I do things amazing like be skinny for the first time in my life... it will set an example here at UC Riverside somehow.... possibly inspire people to take up the words and BELIEVE what I am saying.

Gandhi once said "Be the change that you want to see in the world"

Well hopefully I will change the world someday, but for right now I'm going to start with myself and continue my workouts and meditation... UC Riverside will be next!

I've been feeling terrible the last two weeks and a half.

Not only did the DUI happen but me and Jenni broke up... SHE doesn't love me anymore. After 3 years and 4 months when I FINALLY come to UC Riverside she's gone. I feel so empty being here in Riverside... there's just no fucking point being here!!! I've never felt so hurt in my life. I wanted to make our relationship better and take it to the next level...

But I guess that will never happen now.

What the fuck do I do now...

It seems like these days more and more people cannot take responsibility for their actions.

How often have you run into the scenario where somebody you know does something they regret drunk?

This is almost invariably followed by "i was drunk", "i didn't mean it", or some other bullshit...

Why is being intoxicated an excuse for immoral behavior? Why can't people hold themselves to a higher standard. It's really easy if you follow the simple logic:

A) Alcohol was consumed.
B) It was done to such to an extent that you became "drunk"
C) While under this voluntary intoxication, you did whatever you did...

Conclusion: You're still responsible for what happened

I recently had a DUI and totaled my car. Many of friends have been pointing out this and that - who the blame really falls on. I'm here to state the blame falls solely on my shoulders and nobody else. I hold myself to a high degree of personal responsibility. I always have. throughout my life. When I fuck up, I don't cry like a baby and point fingers.

The first step to true maturity is taking responsibility for your actions. Whatever trouble you get yourself into in life, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

EDIT 11/30/09

I wrote this entry because my ex-gf Jennifer Hiramoto had admitted to cheating on me by being "black out drunk" and making out with a Lambda at KDPhi convention in San Jose. She couldn't even pick me up from jail because she apparently that morning was hungover and had to 'go to meeting'. It was the end pretty much from there.

I'm leaving June 23rd on Saturday morning and moving in on Sunday June 24th! It's been quite an interesting and busy year. Every semester at Skyline was fully loaded with 19 units.. Fall was one of the most challenging semesters I ever had but I managed one of the highest GPAs I ever got in college =)

Spring was even busier... At one point I was juggling tax preparation, web design for ListaGo, 19 units, and student government stuff at Skyline. From Feb to April I swear.. I wanted it all to be over!

May and June have been the most emotionally toughest months for me but I guess I've grown quite a bit from everything...

I'm really happy and at peace because once you learn to let go of what you cannot control, you can liberate your emotions and work with what you do have. One of the primary reasons I was unhappy with my mom for so many years was a lack of appreciation. A lack of appreciation also caused great personal tragedy to me to someone I still deeply love.

So if there's anything I can recommend to all my friends, is that to tell the ones you love and care about how much they mean to you. It doesn't cost anything, and it doesn't take any effort on your part.

I will never be the heartless person I was again.

EDIT 11/30/09

I wrote I will never be heartless again because at the time when I got my DUI and Jennifer Hiramoto my ex-gf broke up with me, I felt that it was certain choices I made in our relationship that had impacted the collapse... things such as having doubts about our relationship and pressing her about being serious about school/career. I've regretted some of the things we experienced together immensely, and I hope to never make those mistakes again.

Found this on Wikipedia:

Notable Dire Straits and Mark Knopfler fans include Douglas Adams, Quentin Tarantino and the band The Killers.

My favorite film director/producer/writer, one of my favorite authors, and a decent band like Dire Straits too. I just thought that was kind of cool.

Talk about a complete 180...

Things are pretty much a disaster right now, but I'm not tripping too hard.

I got a DUI on Friday, made a horrible impression to Pei Pei and disappointed everybody in my family.

I had thought I set up everything to prevent the DUI from happening - I drove my car to Rocky's and left it there. Amy did all the driving. I literally have no recollection of 10pm to 4am however... What I'm accounting right now is the bits and pieces people have told me. Apparently we arrived to NV and I was being very aggressive. I slapped a black girl on the dance floor and her boyfriend was about to kick my ass except 3 security guards tackled him and kicked him out of the club. Supposedly I was knocking everything off tables in purpose, opening doors hella hard and staring down people, punching walls, and I soccer kicked a bottle of champagne off the VIP balcony into the crowd. It was really a terrible time.

So after that I guess Amy drove me back to San Mateo and Will drove me back to his house. I really wish Will just dropped me off at my house and took my car because apparently I claimed I was ok (and I have no recollection of that). This was supposedly at 2:30am... I apparently drove up Hillcrest and almost crashed into a deer. My car was completely totaled. When I opened my eyes, I was in a wrecked car.. I climbed out my window and I was just totally devastated. Millbrae cops pulled up soon after I found myself walking the line, blowing into a breath analyzer, and being cuffed. I guess the cop tricked me because for some reason I did the breath test as well as given blood at some detox location.

So there I spent what was the longest 8 hours ever. I couldn't pass out because the place was so uncomfortable and there were too many Mexicans making noise.

Will picked me up the next day and helped me run 6 hours of errands including getting my car released from the Millbrae PD, paying for the tow, paying for the disposal, and going to Rocky's BBQ which was the most bittersweet moment ever.

Based on everything I don't think I'm going to be drinking ever again. If you are my friend and you're reading this don't ever listen to anybody who has been drinking that they're ok to drive. I supposedly had a .187 BAC at 4am... this is almost EIGHT hours after I took my last drink. Don't let this happen to anybody you know EVER. CALL THE CAB. PAY THE MONEY.

As for me, I'm never drinking again. If you're my friend you'll understand it is a miracle I am still alive and if you want to help me out, never offer me alcohol because I will 1) not take it 2) i will take offense 3) it will bring up bad memories

That's it kid.